The Checklist Theory
it's not actually a theory but neither is "let them" so how bout you "let me" have this?
I’m a List Girl.
If I don’t write it down, it isn’t real.
More importantly, if I don’t write it down, I can’t cross it off, and what’s the point of accomplishing a task of any size if I can’t give myself the small and potent dopamine hit that comes with crossing the item off my to-do list?
There is no point, whisper my fellow List Girls to themselves, our souls crave the sweet nectar of documented task completion, bestowed upon us only by the List Gods.
Yes, I nod back, the List Gods must be fed.
But List Gods are fickle. The List Gods want you to make more lists and do more things, they need you to keep going. Just one more task. Just one more errand. Just one more email.
The List Gods will never tell you that you’ve done enough1.
Every day since I do not know when — maybe a year, maybe longer? — I’ve posted something between a to-do list and a daily schedule on my Instagram Story. I don’t know why I started doing it, only that I’ve been more consistent with this inconsequential habit than I have with oh, say, drinking enough water to keep my body alive?!
These checklists feel a little like a diary entry, a little like having someone open the public bathroom while you’re still pulling up your pants, a little bit like self-soothing.
I have spent a good part of my adult life sure that I was not doing enough, constantly looking around at other women and thinking that they had some secret to Doing It All.
I would often end my day collapsing into bed, exhausted, lamenting to my husband that I didn’t get anything done, which is strange because I’ve been making podcasts, writing books and publishing this newsletter regularly for many years.
How could it be possible that I didn’t get anything done?
It’s not possible. I was deranged.
I was also doing unholy and unsound math2 where only some things counted. Things I had to do for myself — going to the doctor, putting gas in the car — those didn’t count as Things! The only way I could feel like I Got Things Done was to make sure I was Doing Things worth writing down and crossing off the list. You know, Work Things.
The Checklists have it all: blood draws, school drop-off, drinking coffee in the morning. There are days I bang out a ton of work and days when I’m basically just an unpaid Uber driver for our kids and dogs.
I put it all on the list because It All Counts. It all matters. And seeing my days like this — filled not just with Work Things but Life Things, Friend Things, Family Things — reminds me of that. It helps me remember that I am not just here on this earth to work and die. It helps me remember that life has rhythms to it, and there will be weeks when I have so much work to do that I can’t see straight and weeks when I can absolutely go to the gym in the middle of the day and that’s okay.
So if you feel like you are Not Doing Enough I want you to practice Checklist Theory3. Write down everything you’ve done, are doing, or will do. Not to please the List Gods4 but to remind yourself that even the minutiae of your day is what adds up to a life.
Yours in earnestness and imperfection,
Nora
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That’s my job, they need to stay in their lane.
the only kind I know!
again, not a theory, but Mel Robbins was onto something! You say Theory after a word and you automatically feel pretty cool and smart!
I forgot about them, but they’re fake. They’re just us, okay?
Have you read the Frog and Toad story "A List"? Toad makes a list of very mundane daily things to check off but has a menty b after the list flies away because "running after my list is not one of the things that I wrote on my list of things to do!"
My maternal grandmother made a list everyday. The first thing on her list was always “Make List.” That way she could immediately cross something off and start her day feeling accomplished. I never knew her as she passed away before I was born. I learned the art of the list from my mom who only shared this about her mom a couple years ago. Sometimes I now start my list with “organize my day” or “organize to do list” just so I can cross it off. It works. So thank you to the grandmother I never got to meet.